| How do you pick up the threads of an old life?
How do you go on when, in your heart, you begin to understand there is no going back?
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| Sometimes I wish I didn't get so emotionally attached to objects. I want to badly to be able to get rid of half of my shit to make room for...well, me. I'm crowded in this room. I still have 7 boxes that are not unpacked. I moved in February of last year. That's kind of ridonk, really.
The last time I tried throwing out something, I started to cry and couldn't do it. It was Barbies. I don't think I'm going to have much success trying to throw away other things if I can't even throw away my Barbies.
Then again, maybe that was a I DON"T WANT TO GROW UP thing.
Thing is, most of the stuff I'm holding on to is from my childhood. I wonder if it would be easier for me to accept growing up if I started on a clean slate, so to speak. No more kiddie things left in the boxes piled up in my closet, or shoved underneath my bed. I get to start with, not necessarily "grown-up things", but yeah. Not as many things keeping me attached to being a little kid.
I don't know if I want to be a little kid anymore. I love dressing up like Belle and watching Disney movies and all that jazz, but sometimes I wish I were a little more...mature? I dunno. I feel so far behind from the rest of my friends, and I think that's partly why. Sure we all have our immature moments, but then there's responsibility and continuing education and figuring out what to do later in life, and I just feel like I'm not there. At all. I make sandwiches during the day and wander around in La La Land during the night. I feel like I'm wasting my time, but I can't seem to get myself to do anything about it.
Basically, I'm hella lost right now, and I don't know where I can find a map that can get me on the right track.
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| Woops!
On second thought, whatever.
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| My last post was about how I never thought I'd see that day where I'd pay to see HSM.
This post is about how I never thought I'd see the day where I was in a relationship.
This post is about how I never thought I'd see the day where my boyfriend felt so strongly for me that he'd have already proposed if it weren't for his rational side.
This post is about how I never thought I'd see the day where I wasn't scared to think about accepting the proposal a month and a half in.
The times, they are a-changin'. I'm scared, but I'm not at the same time. It's hard to explain.
I never thought I'd see the day where I was even semi-okay with change.
Hmm.
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